"My father! My father! The chariots and horsemen of Israel!" 2K2:12

"My friend, my friend, the chariots and its horsemen!

Don't you dare to go ride with them so soon!"

I asked permission of my friend Carin who was in ICU for the last 5 days, if I could share her email to us friends, with you. It is such an example (as always) and very encouraging.

First, I will share our common background.

Although still in danger-zone, I am very grateful God did not take this special voice in my life right now. Not so soon after my brother!

Mom is still very ill too and not recovering as fast as we hoped. Her vocal cords definitely got badly injured with the constant coughing. It has been weeks. She is still very weak and her body constantly aches. Please keep mom in your prayers.

We don't often write a blog about A Friend

We don't often blog about A Saint still living.

I am doing both.

Today I received a letter.

Friends wanted to know her ICU story and she told us... what really happened.

I will see Carin on my Birthday this year... 7 weeks to go. We arranged this months ago. I fly out of the UK from a meeting via Dubai and land on the 1st of July in Abu Dhabi. I am so excited but after this morning I am way more than excited.

For years I told Carin, that one day... one day... I will swing by!

Never in my mind,

did I even THINK or consider

that God

might perhaps

swing by before me!

Not Carin!

I got to introduce Penny, to Carin in 2009 when we visited her in Scotland for 3 days. We literally sat for 3 days on Carin's incredible comfortable pink couches and talked Jesus non-stop while drinking coffee. That is all we did.

My family moved to Stilbaai in 1995. During 1996 I joined an odd Bible study group. I was at least 20 years younger than all of them. Carin lead our Bible study group. She would put on Vineyard worship, teaching and modeling to us how to listen to the words and sing it back to Jesus. It is engraved upon my memory.

There she sat.

She pressed "play" and then she would simply sing the words back to Jesus as if we were not in the room. Tears would stream down her face. I was 20. I have never seen someone worship like this. Definitely not in public. No pretense. Not a worry as to what we were thinking of her. It was simply her and Jesus. At the end of the song, she wiped her tears and said "oh wow, I did not expect that to happen today"

Here was Carin,

What I observed was a lady whoactually knew Jesus,

and had the ability to worship

so that we all could sense

Holy Spirit move in her house

Here was Carin,

talking about the YADAH hands of God as if she has really seen it. I still see her holding the big brown pottery hands teaching us about the Father's love. This was in the beginning of 1996. My life was about to change.

Here was Carin too,

5 May 1996. I was reading Jeremiah 1:5 when the words leaped off the page. God took my vow in church serious. I said yes to the call to full time missions but five days later I flew out to the Netherlands. I was there 4 months with a heart burning to get back home to do missions. I was mocked by the other South African girls for being too serious about God. I was mostly alone that time and would daily do what I saw modeled by Carin to me. I would put on Vineyard, and worship my heart out, and journal while leaning my head into that Yadah hand.

September 1996

I was back in Stilbaai. Carin was an old YWAM'er. Hammanskraal days. She was part of the Intercession-Worship schools. She was the first YWAM'er I ever met.

(She is not with YWAM anymore)

Later that year in 1996, in November, I read the book of Acts one morning and when my eyes fell on Acts 2:38. My world stood still for a moment. “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit."

I got kicked out of church and went to great trouble to get baptized as an adult in Stellenbosch. I also knew that, even though I could not, I was suppose to be able to speak in tongues. That only happened much later in 1998. I was praying for someone when it literally felt like someone took a hold of my tongue and turned it 180'.

A language burst out of me... quite unexpectedly. Those where the Muizenberg Friday night worship gatherings with Stefan Huge in his house. I knew Stefan Hugo from before.

Why? Carin, of course.

She and Charles would invite Stefan (pic Left) (One of our Southern Africa YWAM leaders) to Stilbaai.

To me it felt like "under-ground" Spirit Filled Bible study meetings. It was glorious!! Needless to say, with strong encouragement from Carin and a YES in my spirit, I joined YWAM in 1997.

In 2012 and 2013 Stefan said yes to teach on the CIDTS I pioneered. Wow... what comes around really goes around :-) And this pic is how we went around! That is Stefan and his sister with me driving them around Chiang Mai.

I got to introduce Penny, to Carin in 2009 when we visited her in Scotland for 3 days. We literally sat for 3 days on Carin's incredible comfortable pink chairs and talked Jesus non-stop while drinking coffee. That is all we did.

When Penny and I flew out, we talked about those 3 days for months - and actually stil do.

I don't think I can explain

what it is when one is in that

"Carin-Jesus-Holy Spirit-Father"

presence. God is just there in such a real way.

The nearest I got to it was when I had to "entertain" a friend for two days in 2006, who (not coincidentally) is also a YWAM friend of Carin. Completely the opposite in nature, but as deep as... as Mariette Louw. Many of you know her and will know what I mean when I say deep. For those 48 hours, all around the coast of Cape Town we talked Jesus. It was Mariette that introduced me to the Desert Mother and Fathers in that boat restaurant in Houtbaai. It is etched into my memory.


I have no problem,

thinking of Carin

in that same vein.

Like a modern desert mother.

What I read in books of old, is Carin today.

The way she talks about the Cross, Jesus, Holy Spirit & the Father, simply leads one to worship.

She knows what it is to find him in solitude and the valley of Baca making it a spring.

Carin is a woman who can sit for hours at the feet of Jesus, and tell you about deep encounters with Him. Of course she won't tell you, unless you really ask... she is simply to humble for that. Those authentic encounters are the pearls of GREAT sacrificial price that not many have the capacity to appreciate. Perhaps, not even me.

How can I possibly explain Carin to you?

This is why I am sharing this letter she wrote a day ago - while actually still under major threat.

It will be hard to say bye one day. Very hard. She did not leave footprints in my life. More like a crater... or like that current active volcano in Hawaii - Did you see it? AMAZING.

It keeps changing landscape where it goes.

That is Carin, now that I think about it.

Thus today I will deeply appreciate her and commend her to you

like paul did Phoebe.rom16:1


(with her permission)

A group of ladies in church are making quilted prayer blankets and they asked me to write down my journey through the last two weeks.

Wednesday 25 April - Sat. 28 April 2018

During this week of increased struggling with a lack of breath, weakness and tiredness I initially thought I had bronchitis but did not go to the doctor. I was waiting to see if the dry cough would change and if I developed fever. I decided wait a day or two .

In one of my quiet times with God, He gave me Eph. 2:10 TPT

We have become His poetry (workmanship) a recreated people that will fulfill the destiny He has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfill it”

(While I am writing this testimony I can see how God prepared me and spoke words of comfort to me about what was to come.)

I am secure in God’s promises to us that through trials and tribulations that will befall us, He is Immanuel God with us and He will never leave nor forsake us.

Monday 1st May.

After I showered I was extremely short of breath and tired and I had to lie down on the bed to get my breath back and to regain my strength. I got a fright and went to see the pulmonologist. He miss-diagnosed me with Bronchitis. I was send back home and continued to feel weaker. I struggled to breathe and coughed up a storm.

Sarah: The pic of this dog, is the pic Carin put on FB that same day. A few days later I told her, "You did not know you were that prophetic with the dog picture" LOL

Tuesday 2nd May.

I felt slightly better but got worse towards the evening. I could hardly move without coughing profusely and becoming out of breath.

My husband Charles and I were also discussing our future that time and during my time with God I wrote this encouragement from God in my diary.

“I will not let you lose your way!

I have led you through many difficult seasons

and demonstrated to you My miracle power.

Even if you are blind, I will become new eyes to you.

Even if you are lame, I will be great strength to you.

I will not allow you to wander any longer.

When weakness causes you to stumble,

I will swiftly run to pick you up and place you even farther on your path.

The darkness will become light in front of you,

and I will make your steps firm and secure.

No matter how well you see Me, I am there to uphold you.

No matter how clearly you perceive Me, I will not let you lose your way.

I will lead you to the oasis of My presence,

and you will be refreshed for your journey.

This day I have decreed,

new eyes and great strength into your life.”

I sensed God’s sustaining presence in me.

Wednesday 3rd May

It was a long day and I mostly lie on my bed, too weak to do anything. I moved slowly like a sloth. If I had to go to the bathroom or kitchen and struggled to breathe. I was as out of breath like a marathon runner whenever I moved and gasped for breath.

In the middle of the night I woke up and felt terrible. I had a bath thinking I might feel better. I fainted in the bath and when I came by I got out of the bath and tried to dress myself but I was so confused I hardly could dress myself. I was also very dizzy and gasping for breath and I felt confused. On my way to the bed I collapsed.

Charles woke up by the sound of a crash and found me unconscious on the floor.

He struggled to revive me and phoned the ambulance. I was taken to the hospital.

A CT Scan was done and I was diagnosed with Pulmonary embolism (PE) - (blockage of an artery in the lungs by a substance that has moved from elsewhere in the body through the bloodstream (embolism))